i don’t know what to do.
everything has already change, specially him.
he is acting way too different right know.
breaking promises, not putting down his pride, going against me, fighting back, and even not caring anymore whether i cry in front of him or i get hurt by him.
he just become the person he promised he will never be.
he is making me feel i’m no longer important, and he is willing to let me end up this relationship.
he is becoming the person he was way before i met him, which, we both agreed to be not really nice.
and yes, it slowly shows already.
he is spending more time doing what he loves to do before, spending more with his friends rather than with me.
he doesn’t CARE anymore.
i don’t feel important anymore.
the question is, does he still loves me?
i know its enough.
all those things he did, all those pain and tears, its enough reason for me to leave him.
but everytime i think about not having him on my tomorrow, it just makes my tears wants to fall.
i admit it, i can’t live my future without him already.
i filled my life and future with plans including him.
its just so hard to think that if i let go of him, i have to change it all over again.
i have to face tomorrow feeling alone again, no one to hold me, to kiss me and to love me the way he did. im so scared to lose someone who make me feel so loved and important for once in my life, who is so willing to do everything for me and is so proud to call me as his girlfriend.
but that person already changed. and those things are getting old and fading out. it was now a history to be told in to the future.
so now, i don’t know if i’ll let go or fight for it.
let go of him and face tomorrow alone and accept the fact that someday soon he’ll find another girl. face tomorrow without someone to cuddle with, someone who loves me and i love too. someone to hold hands with, to walk me home after class, someone who’ll wait for me outside my classroom, someone who’ll do special things for me and someone makes me feel very special.
but if i fight for it, more pain more tears more heart aches. more promises to be broken and more painful words and actions. we’ll just keep on hurting each other. he’ll just keep on repeating his hurtful actions and words. everything will just happen over and over again. suspicions, lies, misunderstandings, and a lot more. though, when we’re ok, we are more than happy, its perfect especially when we’re together. but this past few days, it was all argument, fights and misunderstanding.
so i really don’t know what to do.
this is my first real and serious relationship.
and we are both being stupid.
im making everything a big deal and making my own issues.
he is not making it a big deal and he’s pride is so high that he cannot even say sorry for what he’d done and can’t even admit his fault.
SORRY was all i ever wanted.
a SINCERE SORRY coming out of his mouth and not from his cellphone.
but he cannot even do that.
i know i also have wrong actions, but it was because of his actions.
i swear to myself i won’t be the one to say sorry because it was his fault, if he did say sorry thats when i’ll do my part.
but he just can’t
he can’t admit his wrong.
and worst thing he did, he wants a cool off.
he also said he won’t txt me or even communicate to me tomorrow.
he made plans with his friends.
and he’ll get his money which he ask me to keep.
he even told me that if i ever quit already, i just have to tell him and he’ll let me.
he said he was already tired and he wants some time alone, far away from me.
all of those words, all of it, its all a stab in my heart. T.T
i never expected him to do and say those things.
so yes, i think, he changed.
and that’s why i have to busy myself.
so i won’t b thinking of him that much.
it may help to reduce the pain he caused me.
until, suddenly, i can finally let go of him. i can finally say goodbye and can start over again with my life.
because life goes on, so i need to go with its flow.
yes it will be very difficult, but it will pass.
i will get over it soon.
i will forget and love again.
and maybe by that time, i already learn my lesson and matured.
life is too short to spend it with grief,
so i must go on, and find happiness rather than sadness.
what ever happens to our relationship, i’ll try to be strong.
its not yet the end of my story, its just the end of one of the chapters of my life.
i love him, i still do. i love him so much that it so hard for me to decide.
i love him that much that i cannot just let go if him.
i never love someone as much i i love him, and i don’t think i will be able to love someone again like how much i loved him.
i love him, i still do, and i will always will.
its just that, in life things like this really happened, we just have to accept it.
